50 Shades of Asparagus, a bizarre book blurb

In response to this contest, where the name of the game was to create a book blurb based on Crayola crayon colors, this is the twisted thing I submitted (note: I edited a bit). Unfortunately I didn’t come close to winning (see winners here), but I did actually get some likes, which is more than I thought this blurb would get due to how warped my imagination is. And no, I don’t plan to write a short story or book based on this cockamamie idea. I have no interest in writing what-so-ever. I’m a reader, not a writer.

Β *********

Fifty Shades of Asparagus

Of all the book stores in the world, he had to wander into mine….

Book shop proprietor Lemon is tired of all the same boring men she’s been going out with: jocks, geeks, freaks, drummers, your average joe, they’re all the same after a while. She wants someone different, something different….

Asparagus, or Gus as he’s known, wants a woman, but not just any woman. She has to be smart and funny and kind, but more than that, she has blend well with him. Finding someone like that is an insurmountable feat. It’s not easy being green after all. Or a six-foot tall walking, talking vegetable. Trying to get someone to look past his appearance to the person, so to speak, he is inside has been impossible. It doesn’t help that after Gus’ buds open, his shoot quickly become woody. Talk about embarrassing!

On a miserably rainy evening, feeling down in the dumps after a blind date that ended before it ever began, Gus wanders into Lemon’s bookstore in the hopes of finding a book to take his mind off his troubles. What he finds instead is the zesty morsel he’s been dreaming of all his life. Although he mills between the bookshelves, he can’t keep his mind off the lady of his dreams and wonders futilely what he can do to make her his. Luckily for the morose Gus, he has nothing to worry about, he doesn’t have to do a thing. Yet. When Lemon catches sight of her lone customer, she doesn’t believe what she’s seeing! Her secret fantasy has come to life! She’ll stop at nothing to have….

Fifty Shades of Asparagus

Β©satilanna
Cross-posted to Repo! The Genetic Blog.
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7 thoughts on “50 Shades of Asparagus, a bizarre book blurb

    • It is, I wouldn’t have minded a brand new Kindle Paperwhite. πŸ˜€ I’m actually rather disappointed in the winners, I read others I liked better, but taste is subjective. I knew I should have erred on the side of caution and let you in on it but I thought maybe you’d be too busy with school. If there’s a similar contest in the future, I’ll let you know. Maybe you should make one up just for giggles anyway. πŸ™‚

      • Sure, who wouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t blame you; I read them and thought yours was just as good, if not better. The mods probably picked the winners randomly, which I hate; if you’re going to run a contest based on more than just someone dropping their name and email into the comments section, then you need to pick the winners by quality, not through a random selection. 😦 Please do! Of course, what I should do is follow the blog myself, so it’s not all up to you to let me know what’s going on. :/ Maybe I will! πŸ™‚

  1. No, they picked it by how many likes they got (which apparently didn’t work out so well as they wrote when they named the winners, so they won’t be doing that again). Not to mention certain people could have more friends/fans who could “like” their blurb whether it’s their favorite or not. Well let me know if you sign up. πŸ™‚ Can’t wait for that!

    • Ah. That still seems a fairly arbitrary method, though; yeah, likes could count, but I still say the mods should’ve done the ultimate picking, for the reason you mentioned. I tried signing up, but every time I tried going to the website, all my computer’s alarms went off, telling me the site was suspected of malware, not maliciously but indirectly (or something like that). I’ll try again; maybe by now the site’s been cleaned up. :/ We’ve got a school break coming up the second week of October, so I’ll see what I can wring out of my brain then as far as a story. πŸ™‚

      • We’ll see what they do next time. I don’t know if I’ve seen another contest since I started following them or if I just ignored it. It’d be nice if they did another blurb contest or something similar, it was fun. πŸ™‚ Yeah, someone hacked and did something but it’s all clear now. I bet you can’t wait for that! Give your poor little brain a rest. πŸ™‚

  2. Yup. Well, depending on how popular that contest was, who knows, they might run another one very soon. πŸ™‚ I know. I finally managed to get on there and I saw a post which talked about how the site got hacked and what was done to clean it up. You know it! Man, it’ll be so nice to have a rest, especially from Astronomy–it’s really kicking my butt this semester. 😦

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